differences I relish

Two boys. One hamster.

Very different personalities with little white furry things.

There's this guy.

And then there is this guy.

This guy. 

And then this guy.

Charley had a gentle kind touch that started out shaky but his confidence grew. 

And Henry...well, he just couldn't stand the excitement.  

His grin was there for the entire little pre-bedtime hamster playdate.  

And it is the mix of these two personalities and the fact that this hamster sleeps ALL. DAY. LONG and wakes about 25 minutes before bedtime that has me pondering this addition to our family.  

However, the excitement that this little guy has over that little creature is something I also have to ponder.  Can we handle it?

Only time will tell.  This week we will enjoy him for one more day.  And then say "Good-bye Coconut! Come again anytime."

Becoming a Big Brother...

Hit play while you read this post.  I came across this song and fell in love. Hard.  And now when I play it, too many times a day, the boys chime in and Charley bolts over to wherever Sydney is relaxing and sings it to her. 

Amazingly, I think I sound on key when I sing along to this - which I know I don't.  But it is like back in the day when I would sing to Wilson Phillips...doesn't everyone sound great singing along with them. 

Back to the post...hit play and enjoy.



This little girl was born....

and two young men became big brothers.

Many of you have been inquiring about the boys and how they are doing as big brothers to their little sister.  Charley is a pro of course.  Only once has he pushed it when he picked her up to hand to me when I was turned away dealing with something else.  Other than that he is once again the gentle big brother that he naturally became when Henry was born. 

Henry, on the other hand, is a different little boy. 

And though most of you know him as a shy, tender, quiet little being.  He is a corker and is a different boy here at our house.  He instigates a lot at our house.  He pests his big brother.  He is testing Ed and I HUGE these days.  But he is my snuggle bug who loves his big brother soooo much that it almost scares me at times.  I want him to be confident in the world as his own person.  He also loves his little sister.  This I know.  He is intrigued by her.  He is worried about her when she cries.  He wants to know where she is.  She is drawn to her and wants to be close....VERY. CLOSE.

Here lies the problem.  He wants to be so close that he feels the need to get his face right up close.  He is fascinated by her face and wants to touch each little feature.  And I explain that they are delicate and he needs to be gentle but even with me sitting right there he has to make a fist and give her a little pound in the arm.  He laughs about hitting her head - even though he doesn't.  He challenges me by going at her when I am sitting right there explaining how little and precious she is.  He cries immediately when I tell him he is being too rough or mean.  I know he knows.  I just don't think he has the control or the realization that she is so precious.

This morning at Henry's class the mom discussion began with our joys and concerns sharing time.  I shared my concern that Henry is too rough with her.  And once again I was inspired by the moms in the group.  One mom pointed out something her child's pediatrician said to her when her second was born.  Something along the lines of...we as parents are here to protect this little miracle and that includes protecting him/her from his/her older siblings.  Not because they are intentionally out to hurt the new little baby in the house - but because at the age of 2 or 3...they just don't know.  They don't understand how rough they can be with their touch or how dangerous some action could be on a baby. 

Now friends and family - do not fret.  Ed and I have been aware of Henry's love for Sydney and his lack of understanding and are not letting him alone in a room with her.  Charley also understands, has witnessed, and protects his little sister from his little brother.  We are working with Little Hank to understand what it means to be a big brother to a baby sister.  I just don't think he gets that she is NOT ready to wrestle. 

Because as you can see from this picture...that is what he wants to do with her. For over 20 minutes he laid down at her feet and let her kick him. He giggled and she had her legs going crazy wild.

 And I have no doubt that she will take him down someday.  She already has her hands up ready to defend.

He loves her. You can see it. He just needs to learn. And he is learning each day.

Big Brother Certified

This weekend we attended a "Big Brother/Big Sister Class."  The boys were pretty excited.  Charley remembered going to one before Henry was born.  They got to bring a doll or stuffed animal.  There was only one other girl in the class..so it was almost like a private lesson!  During the class the teacher talked about how the baby has grown in mama's belly.  Henry's face during this was priceless.  His brow was often furrowed and he looked puzzled. 

 During the class the boys (all three) got a lesson on diapering, swaddling, holding baby, and protecting babies head.

 She went over how a baby enters the world...glad she took care of that and am still fearing more questions about that.  But so far they have not asked about any more of that topic. 

After the class we got to go over to the hospital and get a quick tour of one of the recovery rooms.  As soon as we walked into the entrance Ed and I started sharing what we remembered about coming for Henry's arrival.  My emotions poured forth and it took everything in me not to cry through the whole tour.  Remembering...

Entering the hospital and having to bend over and brace myself along the wall to breathe through contractions.
Riding the elevator in pain.
oh, it just all came flooding back. 

Then the music played, signaling that a baby had been born, and the tears started to pour...but yet I pushed them down.

When we stepped into a recovery room to show the boys where mama would be staying it hit me that the hospital is not a spa and the bed is bare bones, the walls are bare etc. 

Then they broke the news that things have changed since Henry was born and babies 'room in' now even more...the option of sending them to the nursery at night so you can get some sleep without feeling like you are listening to every little sound is no longer an option.  We had the boys in our room for most of our time at the hospital - but man, when you go home it is all you and so I did learn that getting a little sleep at the hospital was an opportunity not to miss.  So it will be interesting how this stay goes.  I might feel more anxious to just get home in more ways this time around. 

After leaving the hospital I was a basket case for most of the rest of the day.  My anxiety over the labor and delivery is now at it's peek.  (Yes, sister I am just as anxious as the last two pregnancies). It is a hard thing to go through and I know it is hard for Ed to watch and not be able to fix.  It is exhausting.  And being my third, I know what is ahead, I know I will most likely survive it (yes, I have an irrational fear that I won't), and I know the hard things in life are the things that build us and change us and make us stronger. 

So here we are on Monday.  No news to share.  No signs of any changes in the near future.  I must say that all the emails and comments lately have been so fun.  Blogging this journey has been pure joy and I appreciate all of your thoughts.

Brotherly Banter

My boys are buddies.  Good buddies.  They just had a wonderful week together up north at the cottage.  They get along fantastically...most of the time.  But lately, I can tell Henry, age 2 1/2, is picking up on language from his bigger brother.  I can't help but smile at the things that I am hearing come from his mouth - yet it also bothers me a lot!

Top 5 things I heard Henry say today, with the right attitude to boot!

1.  I VERY mad at you.
2.  I tell on you.
3.  I don't want to play with you.
4.  I don't like you.
5.  Bad baby!

These are things that he MUST be hearing from Charley because Ed and I DO NOT walk around saying them.  Charley reacts with fake and exaggerated pain when Henry says these things.  

The brotherly banter has begun.  It will drive me insane but also makes me smile, just a little bit. 

Each Morning I Pray it Bubbles Forth

Lately, as I roll out of bed I give myself a pep talk ...something like...

"Today is going to be a great day.  The boys are going to be happy.  They are going to get along.  They are going to be entertained in safe and content play.  Patience is going to bubble abundently from my pores.  It is going to be a great summer day."

And within 20 minutes of all of us downstairs I am saying,
"Don't hit your brother.  Go up to your room if you are going to respond like that (Charley tends to fall apart if Henry picks the wrong spoon to eat his breakfast with).  Stop jumping on the couch.  Find something to play with.  Put on some pants.  Stay in your seat while you are eating."  And the one liners that burst my bubbles of patience errupt and don't stop ALL. DAY. LONG.

I appreciate that I am home spending my days with these two little gems.  And it weighs heavy when my patience doesn't flow from me like this...

But children have minds and moods of their own.  And they don't always all flow with each other or myself.  Every morning I hope to surround them in an environment of patience.

I know they are learning, exploring, and trying to manage the hundreds of emotions that come with hanging out everyday together.  But in reality, I am a normal mom, who has moments where my patience bubbles forth in small golf ball sized amounts ...and other times when it flows out like basketball sized abundance.  All I can say...is I appreciate when the size of my patience matches the need at the moment.

When in doubt, even on the most humid day...for example this day when I snapped these pictures, grab yourself a sparkling lemonade and your lawn chair.  Grab the dollar bin bubble blowers from Target and GET. SOME. FRESH. HUMID. AIR.  Because it is true what they say...15 minutes of fresh air can change the moods of all.

One Evening....2 different boys in green

Standing on the Edge of Summer!

Standing on the edge of summer

2 little boys

BROTHERS.

A mother realizing that these are the best days.

They are going way to fast.

And to sit in a beach chair and take in their joy is splendid.

There is nothing like it.

Sunscreen applied.

Heads topped with summer hats.

2 hours of sun at the beach with friends.

Nourished with PB & J sandwiches, grapes, and Cheetoes.  

Nothing tastes better.

Playing Sand Monster!

Pouring buckets of water in the sand just to see what happens.

Ball tag in water chest deep.

Realizing that your boys are playing in the lake without fear of what is below.

Proud mama!

Our first trip to the beach was a success.  

And I love that I can take my two boys without stress or worry. 

I relaxed, sighed, and enjoyed my time with them. 

And I could even imagine next summer...with another little joy sitting at my feet...trying to eat the sand.  EEEEK!  Can't wait!

Finding the balance in waiting

When Charley was born there was no question that our love would be enough. It would overflow. He would be surrounded by it from near and far. He would experience life at a pace that we chose. He was our first go at this thing called 'parenting.'

Then along came number two....Hank. Charley was so excited to be a big brother. We talked it up. He knew what a big responsibility it would be at the age of 3. And when Henry arrived Charley quickly learned that his life had changed...  But he now had to share his mommy and daddy.

Ed and I knew we had to be careful how we transitioned from being a family of three to a family of four. Best advice - let baby wait from time to time and give Charley the opportunity to hear us say, "Just a moment Henry, I am reading with Charley right now." Letting Charley know that Henry had to wait too was so important. It was very easy to jump at Henry's cries and needs...but knowing that Charley needed to feel like he wasn't the one who always had to wait was key.

Charley transitioned to big brother so wonderfully but the focus in the back of my mind was to make sure that the baby didn't leave Charley waiting ALL. THE. TIME....waiting while I nursed, waiting while I changed the 10th diaper for the day, waiting while I rocked, bounced, or sat still letting that new little miracle sleep on my warm beating chest. The transition of a second child has to be done with a balance that takes time to get right.

Now, two years in I see the balance I have to find is different.

The other day we had swim lessons - I signed up both boys. I would get in the pool with Henry while Charley was being an independent fish. However, Henry had a little cold and so we decided for the first lesson we would sit out...Henry sat - waiting, and patiently watching his big brother - excited to swim himself ....someday (since he doesn't get that in a week he will get to go too).

That morning Charley had a field trip to the zoo. Grandma was here so she went along to chaperon and Henry and I wandered in the distance. We watched Charley board the bus and Henry took off when I glanced away - strutting proudly towards the bus. When I asked him where he was going he said, "Me ride bus too!" Here again I had to explain that he had to wait.

When Charley was trying on his soccer shoes, Henry enthusiastically was so excited for his big brother. He found some shoes that became his "soccer" shoes and he said, "soccer too!" Here AGAIN I had to explain that he would play, when he older.

The balance I strive to find these days is one that let's Henry shine with his own experiences in the world. It is hard because the second isn't content waddling the yard with a ball or bubbles...the second wants to ride the scooter at the age of 2 (which Henry CAN do quite well). The second isn't content playing with a rattle or wooden blocks....the second masters the names of all the Star Wars characters before he can make 3 word phrases.

Letting the second be his own person happens a lot quicker but he is still our baby. He still finds joy in bubbles with Grandma, rocking before bedtime, and seeing what each day brings. But his instinct is to climb on that scooter, to fight for the cool Transformer toy, and TRY to sit in the big boy booster seat in the backseat of the car (even when mama says NOT YET!).

The balance is now making life just as exciting for the two year old as the 5 year old who is riding buses, heading out to soccer practice, having playdates, and riding a bike down the road.

My boys are great brothers and that makes finding the balance a little easier because they find joy in spending time together - which ultimately makes life perfect in their eyes. Charley probably doesn't remember a time when his little brother wasn't there to play with, talk to, and "deal" with. They will know each other longer than any other relationship in their lives. And so as the mother I strive to offer balance while they wait for their turn in life, so that their relationship is strong, healthy, and secure. Their life is NOW and making the now special for their TODAYS is my goal.

Love is an amazing thing - it grows, expands, and balances the world so everything is just right as it keeps spinning round.

This post is linked to Steady Mom's 30-minute blog challenge.


This post is linked to New Friend Friday and Friday Follow.

"You can't hurt him. He is little. He is only 2."

This morning we were at a park that had a big "pirate ship" play structure.  There were two other boys playing pirate on it while we were there.  Slowly, Henry ventured over and climbed up top.  From across the park one of the other boys came running, "Hey, that is our ship."  Charley quickly came from out of no where and got kind of close to the other little boy who was slowly circling the "pirate ship" and quickly and firmly explained, "Hey, that is my little brother and YOU CAN NOT fight him.  He is little.  You can't hurt him.  He doesn't know.  He is only 2."  I was standing right there and the other boys mom was right there and grandma was right there.  And all of us had mouths hanging open from Charley's defense.  What a big brother!  I am glad they have each other.

I'm just sayin'

As mothers/parents we are so aware of firsts...

first smiles

first teeth

first steps

first time rolling over

first experience with snow

first time on an airplane

first cracker

first illness

first, first first.....

But I was thinking...do we get the luxury of taking in the last...
When I weaned my boys I know I was aware that it was ending and I remember thinking, take in this moment - it might be the last.  But then they were weaned and I couldn't really remember the last time.

I think the last is almost more significant because it is what causes you to stop, catch your breath, and feel a little uneasy - realizing the time flying by and the reality that they don't snuggle with a bottle, or take your hand crossing the street.

Henry's vocabulary and speech is taking off...he is starting to speak more and more in phrases. And the days of one word attempts is coming to a close. Soon everything he says will be identifiable by strangers.   There won't be cute formations of sounds and letters to bring meaning to his exploration.  Will I realize that he no longer says, "puter" but instead says "computer" or "mood" instead of "move".   I know I won't realize when they call me mama for the last time and instead call me mom.  I will just all of a sudden be 'mom'.   I wish a little warning signal would sound so I could take these 'last' moments in.

Although it is probably good that these moments pass us by.  Because the times when I sit and try to remember happen every once in a while and the "ding ding ding" reminder would probably be going off every few minutes - since they are changing so often. 

I'm just saying...will I realize the last time....

-my boys ask me for a snack and don't just go help themselves.

- they play in the sandbox.

-ask for a push on the swing.

-need me to cut up their food or pour their milk.

-a kiss will cure an injury.

-and so on .....

What "last" are you dreading?  Or what "last" do you wish you remembered better?

This post is part of Shell's Pour Your Heart bloghop.  Head here for more gal's pouring their hearts out.

From the kitchen window...

Dear Charley and Henry,

After you, Henry, woke up today from your afternoon nap...you were excited to head outside. I needed to get supper put together and in the oven so I told you, Charley, to head out back with Henry and keep an eye on him. I would be out soon. You both ran outside and I worked hard to quickly get dinner put together - one eye on the dinner operations and one eye on you two.

The two of you puttered about in the sandbox, slid down the slide, swung on your bellies, and the whole time you were chatting away. You were safe. You were kind.

I knew you were waiting for me to come out so that I could push you on the swings. And I was excited to go out and push you and catch up on your day.  Charley, you had arrived home from preschool and got busy playing - and then your playdate showed up to play and he got you - I didn't.

I started to feel guilty for not getting out there faster. Shouldn't I rush to take advantage of the pushing?...soon you will learn to pump and won't need me out there.

And yet, the times where I can stand back and watch the two of you be brothers...those are some of my favorite moments being your mother. It is when the quiet settles around me...when things stop, and I can take in your faces, your chitter chatter, the natural brotherly behaviors, your size, and innocence. 

These days are flying by...and me rushing out to give you pushes would have been wonderful, but part of being a mom is letting you go, stepping back, and watching the amazing little beings you are becoming.   And boy do you both amaze me daily.

Love,
Your mama

Welcome Friday Followers and New Friend Friday Friends.



This post is linked to Steady Mom's 30 Minute Blog Challenge.

2 Wood Blocks + 2 little boys with imagination = A mama who can't stop chuckling...

Just need to document this for my boys sake.

For the last 20-30 minutes my boys sat on opposite couches, each holding rectangular wood blocks. The proceeded to pretend they were playing hand held video games (the only thing like this in our house is Charley's Leapster). Charley talked through levels and explained to Henry what he had to do....Henry responded confidently. At times Charley got off his chair and went and sat next to Henry to point and better explain - let me reiterate...they were playing with a simple wood block.

HILARIOUS to me!

Our Wii sits not 6 feet away - and there was no asking or begging.  I LOVE that it isn't something they ever think of during the day. Occasionally during Henry's nap Charley asks - but during the day - my boys make their fun with wood blocks!