Family Meeting: Magical words

The boys have been begging for family meetings every Sunday for the last couple of weeks. And I have been lazy about planning them. I was gifted an hour this weekend to do with what I pleased...and I chose to sit down and think out some topics for the next few Sunday meetings. I don't want to plan them too far in advance because part of the purpose is to tackle issues we are dealing with at that given time and to celebrate the great things going on too.

But we have been working towards family laws and chore charts. So we do have some direction.

Our meeting tonight went like this...

1. Leader: mama...others will lead soon.

2. Joke: Daddy (What do firemen put in their soup? Fire crackers!)

3. News: We shared what is on our schedule for the week.

4. Concerns and celebrations: must do lists are going well but they are forgetting to mark their boards. Which is silly because they could be earning their rewards sooner if they just remembered to mark them.  And they each picked their responsibility for the week. Charley will set the table and Henry will help empty the dishwasher.

5. Lesson: We reviewed the law of asking and how asking shows love. And we reviewed the word respect. Then I asked them how do magicians get magical things to happen....and this lead into a discussion about the magical word "abracadabra". Then we talked about when we give and receive respect it happens easier if we use some magical words...and we brainstormed "Thank you, excuse me, You're welcome, Please, I'm sorry." We talked about how these words can magically make something happen, can make someone be your friend, can make someone feel better, can make people feel more comfortable.
This week we will try and use more magical words and realize the value.

6. Family activity: Then we played the game Go Fish and practiced using as many magical words as we could. It was fun.

7. Treat: we each picked a Girl Scout Cookie.

The boys are excited for our next meeting. They were pretty riled up before this meeting. But it simmered down and it really was a nice little meeting. The meeting lasted about 15 minutes. Again, the family meeting might seem silly to some people. And right now we have actual lessons and laws that we are trying to establish. But down the line I hope our family can always look forward to this time and it will be a time when we can discuss issues, life, and problem solve things going on in our lives.

Do you do family meetings? Have you ever thought about doing them?

Family meeting #2

Tonight we had our second family meeting. Charley was perched on the bathroom stool, proudly. He was pumped for his moment in the spotlight all day. I took about 20 minutes to think through the meeting agenda. Then I went over it with him and gave him a little script.

He opened with the joke: "What kind of pussy cat talks? Puss and Boots." Not really a joke but I had tears and Ed had a good chuckle. Henry giggled.

He shared our week overview...scouts, holiday parties, etc.

Compliments and concerns...we checked in on the chore charts. Henry announced that they were going great. Mama and Daddy shared a concern over Henry waking at 5:45 lately and not taking the news that it wasn't time to get up well. We discussed this and are hoping for a better week.

Family Law: We reviewed our work on asking. Charley reminded us that "Asking keeps us safe. Asking shows love." Then he announced our second family law, "Respect." He shared that respect is:

1. acting nice 2. talking nice 3. minding

We then discussed how we show respect for people, places, and things. We named examples of each...teachers, friends, doctors, school, library, car, toys, bed, couch.

Ed and I took turns reading different instances and they had to decide if it was showing respect and whether it was respect for a person, place, or thing.

Examples:

Dad is on the phone and the boy wants a snack so he stands and says, "Dad! Dad! Dad!"

Grandma gives a girl a cookie and the little girl just grabs it.

When you color with markers at the kitchen table you use a place mat.

Your mom asks you to clean your room and you answer, "I don't want to."

Mom makes dinner and you try one bite and then say no thank you.

When a girl couldn't put a puzzle together she said, "I can't do this. I am not smart."

Picking your neighbor's flowers.

You get a snack at the zoo and the wrapper falls on the ground and you leave it.

There were some really great chats that took place.

We finished by each drawing a person, a thing, and a place that we like to respect.

Mama: iPhone, daddy, cottage
Daddy: couch, mama, house
Charley: Lego house, Jack, school
Henry: My Jack, Zoo, Lego castle

We ended singing the ABC song. We munched popcorn during the entire meeting.

 It was good. I am glad I jumped in. The boys LOVE it. And it really allows us to take a few minutes to talk about a few things in a more formal, serious manner.

Mama and daddy have homework this week. When we notice that there isn't respect being shown we will use the phrase, "Let's start over." Charley and Henry decided that if we have to give them more than two chances to try something again then they will have to take a break from the task and think about how to better show respect. Ed and I also let them know that giving respect is how you get respect and that mama and daddy should be showing them just as much respect. Yelling does not show respect. Henry responded, "And playing with us does." Haha. Love it.

Ultimately we want our family law to be "Show Love." And so far...by asking and showing respect we are off to a great start at showing love. We'll see how we do this week.

Let's dig into our first family meeting experience

mmmmmm.  I had all these yummy ideas that I wanted to try and start with our family.

I went on the Power of Moms retreat hoping to gain more confidence in how I wanted to implement them into our family's ways.

I came home with many of the ideas more clearly understood - and yet I wasn't taking the leap to begin them.

Things like rituals, traditions, family rules, chore/ allowance systems, organization systems. 

So this weekend I spent my Saturday evening puttering with the chore system that I had been planning (based on my friend Sarah's successful system).

I announced to Ed that we would officially begin family meetings on Sunday evening after the Packer game.

And he said, "okay."  I know he has been waiting for some of these things to actually happen.

I find that sometimes, with somethings, I overthink them and get so set on having them be thought out and perfect ...when really, we just need to dive in with the realization that we can tweak them as we go.

So on Sunday afternoon I shared that we would have our first Family meeting after bath time.  Immediately the boys began hopping.  Charley was so excited.  Earlier in the day he had wanted to share a joke with me but I told him that he could open our meeting with the joke - so save it until then.  He was pumped.

As the meeting was about to start I asked Henry to go get the bathroom stool.  Which meant Ed gave me an odd look - like maybe I was off my rocker. 

But you see, the stool will be more important in the future when our little tribe members run the meetings.  It gives them the platform and feeling that they have the power and our attention.

So I mounted the bathroom stool and this is how it went:

1.  Joke:  Charley opened with the joke.

2.  Our week:  we shared if there were anythings going on during our week (boy scouts, working late..etc)

3.  Concerns (we problem solved Charley's complaint that Henry bugs him sometimes and mom and dads concern that they went into the neighbor's house AGAIN without asking first.... which led to...)

4.  Rule work:  We are working on our first rule of ASKING - we read sentences and did a thumbs up thumbs down on whether they were things they needed to ask about or if they could do without asking.  Then Charley and Henry went around the corner and practiced role playing one of the items.  Ed and I did too.  We shared our role plays.  We talked about how this week we were going to do better about "asking".

 

5.  Family work:  This week we discussed the idea that we are a family and we all have to help around the house.  But that there were some things that they were expected to do independently.  And I introduced their "MUST DO Lists" and shared the "CAN DO List" that they can pick from when they get enough "Must do points".  They were pretty pumped. (more on this soon)

6.  We ended with a song...which I wondered about...but Charley requested Rudolph and EVERYONE sang and it was soooo cool.  Charley and Henry have both had teachers report that they are shy with the singing.  I think having Daddy in the singing mix really helped. 

7.  Finally, we all shared treat...a slice of the french silk pie that I "whipped" up that afternoon.  (Recipe coming tomorrow).

The whole meeting took 20 minutes! 

I can't wait for next Sunday.

Charley is determined to lead the meeting.

I think we will have popcorn or hot chocolate as our treat.

And we will most likely begin our peace talks!

Henry will be in charge of the joke.

And away we go!