We are done. But yet...when I read this post today...I cried. GO READ IT! Everything she said, hit home. hard. And I responded to her with this...
oh goodness. I LOVED this post. I can TOTALLY, TOTALLY, TOTALLY relate. I got teary. We are done also...my husband is for sure. And like you...during my pregnancy I knew my body was done. However, a few weeks ago I had to go to the doc for vertigo...and she said, should we run a pregnancy test just in case. I walked by my husband in the waiting room and said, off to do a pregnancy test in the lab. He immediately broke into a sweat. It came back negative and I said to the nurse, "I have three healthy kids out in the lobby. A husband who can handle them all. One of which is only 4 months old. Is it crazy that I am just a wee bit disappointed."
The idea of being done producing miracles with my body is very overwhelming...the idea of 20 more years of period and hormonal rages every month...and then the craziness of menopause...just depresses me. But I guess it is life. And I truly think there are women out there that really are never done because they love babies and life. Deep down I know I am done...but I think I will always have the yearning for another. Because it is so incredible. I think I just wrote a comment that is as long as a blog post. ha! Happy 5 month birthday!
And then she replied with this...
Here's what was going through my head when I read your comment: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. We are completely on the same wavelength. :)
(side note: That's what makes blogging so fun...the relationships that form!)
Anyways, a while back a friend asked me what other names were on our short list when we went to the hospital...since we didn't know if Miss Sydney was a boy or girl. And I was so sad that I couldn't find the wrinkled little piece of paper (literally 2 inches by 3 inches big). But then a few weeks ago I found it in my wallet...and it has been in there for the last month. And I come across it every time I do my crazy search for my credit/cash card when I am in line at Target...you know when the kids are done and you have 5 bags of groceries full and ready to be paid for and you fear you are going to have to tell them you can't pay. But then in the last second you find your card. But along with the card comes this little piece of paper...reminding me that I will never have a Lincoln. or a George. or a Leonard....
So here are the short lists...
In the order that I was considering...
Notice...Sydney is not even on the list. That name was thrown our way three days before she was born...it was a fleeting moment. That I am glad stuck with Ed.
Lincoln Edward
George Edward
Leonard James (Leo)
Edison James (Eddie)
Walter James
also on the list: Stanley, Milton and Harrison
For girls:
Georgie Ann or Georgina Ann
Lucy Patrice - if Charley or Henry had been a girl
Clara Patrice
Elsie
Elise
Ramona Patrice
Olive
Petah Sofia
Esme
and in pen off to the side...was Sydney
Ed gripped this little paper in his hand during the hours of labor. I kept asking him "So???" after our little pink girl was born. And it took a few hours to decide. I really wanted Georgie or Georgina...and I think Miss Sydney would have been a beautiful Georgie. But Sydney just felt more right at the time. And I am so happy we went with it.
I am taking this little note out of my wallet now. Although, because I run into it when the kids are somewhat crazy at the grocery store check out...maybe I should leave it in there...kind of a nice reminder that 3 is enough.
I am taking it out and putting it in Sydney's baby book. One of three things that have found their way into it so far. And I am going to move on from thinking about not having a Lincoln. or a George. or a Lucy. Because our family of 5...Mr. Charley, Mr. Henry, and Miss Sydney...they have each other. They are a nice tribe. The are my littles. And we are so blessed.
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6 comments:
I'm so glad you wrote this! And just like I replied to you at my place, I thought Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes while reading your post, nodding the whole time.
We also didn't know that we were having a girl so we have that same list of potential names that we'll never use. No Caleb or Benjamin (or Isabelle or Elizabeth) for us.
As you so lovingly stated, I guess the trick for both of us is to redirect that melancholy for the Lincoln or Caleb who will never be into celebration of the blessings we have in our families of five.
Thanks so much for keeping this conversation going, Sarah!
xo
I felt the same way about Kristen's post. I just had Elsie 3 weeks ago and I'm already having grief feelings...that I'll never be pregnant again. We're done, I know that for sure...and that's good, it really is. But it's sad too.
Love all your names! :)
i love that you call it your tribe. and i love that tribe! RR
We were just talking at book club about how you liked the name Lucy because that name pretty much comprises our list! :) Anyways, I could write a novel in response to this post, but instead I will just say that it IS HARD to let go of the idea that your body is done producing miracles no matter what circumstances bring you to that realization!
just beautiful.
This post is so close to my heart! I am sad as I realize that Mollie is 11 weeks old now, and every Friday I when she becomes a week older it hits me that we are done. I knew a mom who had 5 kids and when she was in her 40's she had to have a hysterectomy because of a medical issue and she said it was the hardest thing because she knew then that she was done for sure. I think we will always morn a little bit even though we know we are done.
On a side note, your girl list shocked me because Elsie was on top of our list. I found it one day at work and got shivers because I knew it was the one! Kevin, though, didn't like it all that much and we decided on Elsa and I even wrote it in my pregnancy book. 1 Week before we delivered we finally changed her name to Mollie. But how funny that Elsie was on your list too!!!!!! :) I still love it.
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