When you become a mother you know that you will be challenged like you have never been challenged before. From the moment you find out you are pregnant your body is pushed to limits that you didn't know you had. The first months or year you are pushed to survive on little sleep, lack of free time, while sharing your body at a moments notice (if you nurse). As they grow and change you are challenged to figure out what to say, how to deal, what battles to fight, how much praise to give, when to step back and when to step up. The days can be long, but in the same breath you can say that the years are flying by too fast.
With all these challenges that you encounter there are so many times when you can get caught up thinking that you aren't enough for your children. You can get caught up looking at other moms and how they are doing things and feel like you are failing. You can look at your children and wonder if there will ever be a three day span when you feel like you have it all figured out and can breathe.
In the last couple of weeks I have been pushed as a mother. I have been solo parenting long days because my better half is working hard and pushing himself at his day job. He is doing what he needs to do and you can tell that even though he is dead tired, sometimes depressed about missing his family, and hungry from missed meals, he is riding the high of a HUGE project that is succeeding (at least I think it is). And by long days I mean he is leaving the house at 5am and returning at 1am...so long days.
This all means that I am being pushed to stay patient, entertain, clean up, bandage knees, listen to whining, give choices, make choices, discuss, explain, discipline, teach, love, and celebrate with these young men while loving up this little peanut who is just loving life these days.
And as I type this I think, how dare I complain. I GET to be home with my children. I have a partner who is here most nights and this is just temporary and short term. But it is my reality. And talking with many moms lately, I think it is important to remember that we all have our own reality and even though some do the solo parenting more often, for longer, or with more challenging circumstances - it is okay to be overwhelmed by your own reality.
This month of May has been filled with family and joy but it has also been the hardest of these first four months of becoming a mom of three. Even though I am getting great sleep I am still learning to balance the busy-ness of having three who need me. Even though being home means I can run some errands and clean up - it also means three times a day I am adding dirty dishes to the pile on the counter and the toys are pulled out ALL. DAY. LONG. And I have three kids in tow when running anywhere. Even though I am blessed with friends who call, email, text, or stop in to make sure things are going okay - I can still wish that a little fairy popped in to relieve me for an hour so I could breathe my own air.
Being a mother is what I am. It is what I love. It is something I wouldn't change. I don't want to spend time complaining about my children or making them feel like they are a job or an annoyance. I want to succeed at this role that I am playing. So this week I am vowing to do less complaining and more brainstorming, when moments arise...like finding that a section of our wood blinds have been snipped to pieces, I will dig deep into my reserves and find a wee bit more patience and understanding.
I have been gifted the chance to spend my days with these little beings. And it is my time in life to stand tall, be firm, find patience, let things go that don't matter, celebrate these chaotic moments and realize that this is it. THIS. IS. IT. This is being a mother.
Even though May has been...well, it has been...and now it is time to BE.
Here's to just being, this month of June. Let's just be. Because ...