It has been a while since I have felt the 'new mom sleepless night baby fog" feeling. You know the one...after waking too often in the night, not being able to sleep when the baby is sleeping, eyes feeling heavy all day...walking around like you are in a fog.
The last couple days I have had the start of a head cold. I have tried to lay low but after watching Charley come at me down that massive ski hill (and it was massive to any mother watching her first born 5 year old son come flying down it) I am hurting. Last night I laid awake for hours...unable to get that video clip of him coming down the hill, straight at me...out of my mind. It just kept playing in my head. And then of course, my motherly worries kicked in and I was able to envision every single terrible thing that COULD have gone wrong.
Was I crazy to even let him near that ski hill!?
It is a wonder how Mothers ever get any sleep...we start out waking to feed, comfort, and soothe our little ones to sleep. As life progresses we can be overwhelmed with the worries and what ifs:
Is he too young to be skiing down a hill on two sticks of wood?
Does he know the rules of the road when learning to ride his bike?
Does the other mother who you carpool with text or talk on her phone when she has your miracle in her care?
When you drop your child off at a playdate - is their house safe? Are their unsafe items within reach?
Does your child know not to eat a random candy-like item off the floor?
Will he talk to a stranger ...let alone go with them when tempted by a treat of some kind?
If he is feeling unsafe with another adult does he know how to get to a safe place?
Is he drinking enough milk?
Is getting the vitamins and nutrients he needs?
Does he get enough sleep?
Does he get enough physical activity?
Does he know when he is being too rough with his little brother?
Does he have the commonsense to not jump from somewhere that is too high?
The list could go on and on! The thing is...as I lay awake worrying about all this I know that it is unhealthy. And it isn't doing anyone any good. These worries can leave me concluding that my children should not venture far from my reach to live life with the freedom that comes as they grow older and experience more and more. And that isn't what I want for my boys - NOT. AT. ALL. I want them to live life with growing confidence, independence, and the knowledge that I am here cheering them on - their mother - their safe place.
But I still can't turn off the worries that replay through my mind, in the wee hours of the night, over and over again. What is a mother to do? Especially, a mother who doesn't drink coffee!
This post is part of Tuesday's Unwrapped with Chatting at the Sky and 30 Minute Blog Challenge at Steady Days.
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9 comments:
I suffer from the same thing...worry, worry, worry and if it's not about my kid it's about my other kids, my students. I HAVE to read at night or I can't shut off my mind.
And the mommy fog stinks, well not literally, you know what I mean. I probably shouldn't comment while I am in one... :)
When I was pregnant and fretting over having a healthy pregnancy, I would say, I can't wait until the baby is born so I can stop worrying. And mothers looked at me and laughed and laughed. I'm in on the joke now! :)
I have SO many times contemplated starting a coffee addiction! I wonder if it really does help???
Holy hell...this freaked me out! RR
Oh how I know exactly how you feel! I'm a worry wort! You're doing GREAT! Hope you get to feeling better!
No coffee? Are you nuts? Just kidding...I admire you.
I wonder about things too...I'm going to be a wreck when they start driving and staying overnight at friends' houses...ugh.
A friend of a friend had her daughter bit by a dog while at a playmate's house. The dog had never shown any violence, but still bit her in the face...things happen...most of the time, they are fixable. The skiing is awesome and it's so much better than having a kid who is afraid to do anything!
No, take a nap!
I worry all the time too- that's one reason I have to stop with just two kids- I can't worry about more than two! ;) I just tell myself- there are millions of people alive in the world right now- they make it- they will make it- and I pray a lot ;)- and sometimes I drink...coffee :)
aaah! You had one or two things that weren't on my list yet!!! Isn't it funny how our worries change but don't go away!!! I liked this post!!!
I didn't read your whole list cause I already have tons of my own. I'm a natural worrier and I work hard not to make my son so. you can see from my baby pictures on I have a worried expression. I sometimes ask friends who aren't as worried as I to do things with my son (already got someone who agreed to take him skiing) so he experiences life to the fullest. that's what's most impt. and I have to tell myself - I can only control so much. do the best I can and then...let it be.
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