I write to you today to apologize for being rough on you last week. After Henry was born, my PMS (which you will learn about someday but never experience first hand - lucky you and every other male in the world) has become that much more pronounced one week every month. I am not sure why and I am not sure how to make it better but it makes me on edge, snappy, and easily frustrated. I over analyze everything and my patience when things aren't going the way I want is very short or non-existent. Because of the age that you are at we often butt heads. And I try really hard to be patient and react with kindness and love but after the 4th time of repeating something I tend to flip out. At night as I sit with Daddy I feel guilty and judge myself very harshly for every thing I did that day. Good or bad. And I vow to do better the next day.
The biggest gift you give me each and every day is a new start. You awaken ready for a day with mama and Henry and daddy and don't seem to remember the day before. I thank you for that. And some day when you have a tough day...like during your middle school years...I hope I can grace you with a new start each day.
Once this hellish week passes my patience returns, I feel happy, and at peace. For a day and wonder why the calm, where did it come from, and why did this more confident and patient personality disappear. I know that you are pretty oblivious to all of this right now as a 4 1/2 year old but I wanted you to know that I am not oblivious to the fact that because you are with me 24 hours a day you see my ups and downs and often have to ride the roller coaster.
I love you my son. You amaze me and make me proud every day. Thank you for being patient with me. And thank you for telling me you love me each and every day. It warms my heart and reminds me why I continue to be the best mom that I can be.