Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I did.

I love this song right now.
Message is depressing, but I just love it anyways.

Syd has been waking up nightly needing me.  One night she demanded so persistently.  Daddy is usually the middle of the night magic maker for getting the kids to calmly back to sleep much that nursing isn't the answer.  But lately, my girl is going through the mama stage thing.

She wanted to rock.  "rock. mama."  So we did.  And she curled up sorta like she used to when we nursed and she drifted off, nestled in, breathing deeply.  And my tears rolled down.  No one else other than a mama, knows what it is like to have nursed a baby for over a be the one to nourish and magically grow them.  And to have that end you try to just push that reality out...look for the benefits and the positives to being done with nursing.  But then you have some random night where your third and final babe wants to rock in the dark, quiet hours of the night.

And you remember telling yourself, when you were "in" it....  and sometimes hated the frequent relish it, because it doesn't last, and you will miss it.

And so there I sat, rocking her.  Missing it.  But I also knew that I experienced it, I did my best to relish it.  I had the moments.  I had them a lot.  And I am so blessed to have nursed my three babes.  Waking in those wee dark hours - just me and them.

Ed and I recently celebrated 11 years of marriage.  We were in the midst of packing up the trailer for a week with my family at the cottage (a true test of marriage...a trailer, car top carrier, and husband willing to spend a week in one cabin with all of my family - 13 of us, one small bathroom).  So there wasn't a cheesy post declaring my love to him.

11 years.  He has given me so much.  But one of those things that I treasure the most is the support he gave when we began the parenting journey.  Him-- Laying on the floor in Charley's nursery... while I floundered and figured out the nursing thing in the rocker of my dreams.  It is a support that he has blessed me with all these 11 years in many other ways.

And while Syd and I rocked.  I found grace for so much.

I'm so glad I did marry you.

This post was linked to Shell's Pour Your Heart Out post.


Shell said...

It's those little things that make me see that I married the right guy, not the big sweeping romantic moments(which are few and far between).

13 people and 1 bathroom? That's brave!

Teresa said...

So so sweet! I have three kids and am still nursing the youngest. Those nighttime feedings are so bonding and lovely.

Anonymous said...

I remember Charley's nursery. I remember the first time seeing him swaddled in his crib and how perfect I thought his nursery was. So glad Ed let you have the rocker/nursing chair of your dreams, congrats on 11 years.
I like the song. Need to,listen to lyrics I haven't yet. Thanks for Sharing. Love new tunes. Rr

Leah said...

Beautiful post! Congrats on celebrating 11 years! I remember those nursing nights - many years ago. I can still remember the feelings though...

Kim said...

Lovely post that brought a tear to my eye! I too loved those late night nursing/bonding moments and yearn to have them back again. But am greatful my kids are still willing to jump back into my arms now, just praying that never ends! Happy 11 years!


Related Posts with Thumbnails