Thursday, October 20, 2011

Opening your doors...

this picture has no connection to the post.  Just remembering.

When I first started staying home I joined a mom's club, in hopes of making connections with other moms who were home all day. And I did. I made life long friends who are very similar and very different. Friends that can pop over at any moment and will look past the mound of laundry, the toy littered floor, the toilet that hasn't been flushed (boys!), and the kitchen counter mounded with dishes.

That first year, I was in two playgroups who met regularly and that meant I hosted playgroups at our house all the time. At one point I hosted the babysitting coop group in our club and over 30 people showed up that morning. FREAKED me out but, I was happy and in my element. I am a host girl. I love when people come here. But then something happened...

And now I shy away from having big groups to our house. It has been over a year since I have hosted a mom's club event. I am all about friends popping over. I love when people call and just say they are going to stop in for a quick visit. I will extend a visit with a friend by offering a cruddy kid lunch if it means they can stay and play and visit a wee bit longer. But to think about 2 or 6 moms coming in with their troops....stresses me out. And I am sad. I don't know when I lost the relaxed feeling of having groups over.

Maybe it is because my tribe has grown from 1---- to 1 plus baby ---to 2 busy boys ---to a tribe of three. Maybe we have our own busy-ness and entertainment now most days that the kids don't need that extra stimulation. And maybe the mess that my three make keeps me busy enough. Or maybe just being the mom of three has me running ragged that I don't have time to get the chairs cleaned off for more than one friend to sit. Heck the laundry here usually takes up one of our couches.

Maybe I have accumulated a pocketful of priceless friends, who I know I can call, pop in on, email, text, and depend on for quick afternoon connections/ playdates. The Moms club has been wonderful for me. And I know there are more moms out there, right in my neighborhood who would be wonderful friends and resources.

Yesterday, a good friend came over with her three and the big kids played wonderfully and our two littles sat close playing tug of war over one little baby rattle. We sat on our terribly stained front carpet. And I thought about that for a minute and then I realized that she wasn't here for the carpet. She was here for the company.

This morning our neighbors came over for waffles. Did I worry that we had no orange juice? nope. Good friends don't come for the orange juice. They come for the conversation.

I am not sure what has caused me to cozy in with my tribe and open my door less to the big groups that can bring noise and laughter in the morning or sanity during the witching hours. I am challenging myself to get it back. Because it is when I am surrounded by other moms that I find my energy and drive to be the best mom I can be.

All of these thoughts came after reading this post titled Opening Our Homes means Risk. I loved all the thoughts here. It got me thinking.

What makes you open your doors or keep them closed?


"Gidget" said...

Oh how this is something I struggle with MIGHTILY! I also have 3 (although spacing between #1 and #2 is 10 years). I've ALWAYS been a clutter queen. I long to have friends over, but I'm far too self-conscious about my house. The house itself is fine- the clutter and mess is NOT! Every year it's a NY resolution that goes unfulfilled.

Sheila said...

I can relate to this post. I was always happy to be hosting the playdates, lunches, dinners & parties. Recently I've become a little more 'home-conscious' though and I'm not happy. I have four kiddos (8, 7, 3 & 1) and there just seems to be mess and toys everywhere! I know it's 'normal', but I can't wait to return to the 'happy hostess' someday soon.

S x


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