Today I am sad.

Today I breathe with a little more effort.

I lost my Grandpa Schnooksie.

A kind, generous, and gentle man who had a special place in his heart for me - and I for him.

He gifted me many many years of loving fun.

Fishing on the shore of Random Lake with his amazing creation..the bucket that did everything from holding our catch, his tackle, and allowed him a place to sit and bait worm after worm on his grandchildren's poles.

 I remember visiting him and hearing the noon whistle ring.  And up he peddled to have lunch with his schnooksie.  He made me tapes of his favorite singers, Box Car Willie and others.  Playing Kings Corners for hours and hours. And the most precious gift was that he taught Charley how to play.  He danced with me at my wedding.  He has met my three children.  He shared stories with Ed each time we visited - the favorite being how he wired his barn with his own two hands and his farmer education.   He called on the telephone and we tried to visit whenever life brought us to his neck of the woods - never often enough.

I have been so blessed to have had him in my life for 35 years. 

The funny thing about having children - they are a HUGE distraction.

This morning I HAD to get Henry off to his second day of school.

I HAD to get Charley off to school.

I HAD to get Sydney up and going for the day.

And all those distractions are good - but on days like today there are also moments when you just need quiet and alone.  But the distractions are good too. 

I talked to my Grandpa the other day.  And the nurse said he heard me because he wrinkled his forehead and lifted his eyebrows.  And in the last days I felt my Grandma's presence.  My pancakes turned out perfectly on Sunday morning.  Typically, they are overcooked as I get going. 

I know my Grandpa timed it just perfectly.  It has been many years that he has lived without his best friend's cooking and baking - especially her famous pancakes.  I think he made it to her kitchen table just in time for the first pancake to hit his plate.  And once again they can make their bed together each morning, play cards, and indulge in some strawberry jello pie and soda water.

Today I am sad.