I have heard this phrase and lately it socks me in the gut and causes me moments of pause. 2 years ago we were awaiting Charley's first preschool experience. Look at this little guy!
Next week we will journey into the big time. Kindergarten! Very exciting for all of us. I will adjust to having Charley away and independent 5 mornings a week. Henry will adjust to having some one on one time with mama. Daddy will deal with the ups and downs we all have as we settle into this new routine.
Last night we visited Charley's school to meet his teacher, drop off supplies, and tour the school.
He was pumped. I felt ready and actually had all his school supplies packed and ready to go. Daddy arrived home and we all headed out.
The back of the school
Reality hit me as I stepped into his classroom.
I realized at that moment that it wasn't so much that Charley was heading into his school career...but stepping into the classroom made me realize how much I missed the part of me that occupied a classroom much like Mrs. S's. The calendar on the wall. The little tables. The locker name tags. I loved this time of the year. The smell of the new school supplies. And when the little girl came up to Mrs. S and said "Bye, teacher." I had to use everything in me to keep from sobbing. I miss it all...meeting the moms and dads but mostly the little people that are so excited for the year ahead.
The rest of the open house felt like I was in a daze. I think back and was so glad Ed was there to keep an eye on Charley and Henry. I took in the surroundings, the handwriting on the name tags, all these little things. But when it came time to talk to Mrs. S I froze up and forgot all the questions or things I was going to say. Charley spoke with her for a moment but he was a typical little boy and seemed distracted.
She seems wonderful and I don't doubt he is going to have a blessed year. Walking out of the school everything that I was going to ask flooded back. So she will get an email or I am going to jot my questions down so I don't forget next week when we see her for his kindergarten assessment.
We walked to dinner at a nearby restaurant and Charley was buzzing with all the little things he had noticed. He had seen neighbors in nearby classrooms (I didn't see them). He had noticed the pink and blue bathroom passes and knew the bathroom wasn't in the classroom. I loved hearing what he saw and what he had figured out. During dinner I burst into tears when I read that his sharing day was Tuesdays. This is how the conversation went:
Me: Crying
Ed: What! What's wrong?
Me: Nothing.
Ed: What's wrong?
Me: I just miss it. And I am not ready to not know what he is doing EVERY day for half the day.
Ed: Isn't it only 2 hours and 45 minutes. That isn't even half a day. Really? 2 hours and 45 minutes.
Me: Laughing! Okay, you are right.
Ed knows me well. He then went into explaining that with walking to school and picking him up, Henry and I will have just about 2 hours to spend together. Hardly enough to do much. Thanks honey that is a little depressing in a different way. HA! He also reminded me I can volunteer and go in and see Charley in action.
It was the fact that Charley's sharing day is Tuesday mornings that hit me. I want to hear him share...what is he going to tell...even though on the way to school on Tuesdays we will probably discuss what he is going to share. Anyways, it is the EVERY day thing that is causing me anxiety. It isn't the amount of time everyday. It is just that EVERY day he will head out.
So good.
He is so ready.
And I will be too as soon as we get into a routine and Henry has adjusted.
It is time.
But still so much to absorb.
The days are long but the years are short. And I just can't believe that his first 5 years of life are over and he is heading out to become his own person. I have a feeling we have raised him to soar and he is going to head off on Thursday without hesitation. As parents, Ed and I will begin being more on the reactive end of parenting. Dealing with the things he comes home with...language, behaviors, habits, wants, and wishes. We will run into people at Target and reality will smack us in the face when he knows someone that we don't know. He is going to become his own person.
But it is time for him to take this step...
And Charley informed me at dinner that when the baby is ready for school then I can go back to school too. Awwww, thanks little man!
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5 comments:
I can imagine as a parent it must be emotional to send your little one out into the world. I'm getting ready to go back to work and it's breaking my heart to leave my daughter. I think it's the separation that gets us.
i CRIIIIIIIIIIIED reading this. ha take that ED! haha. andy told eli i was just being emotional. I was picturing myself. I was picturing you. i was picturing charley. i was thinking about missing being a teacher (in your shoes) and trusting the system to teach charley and keep him excited. but ed IS right- 2.5 hours and charley used to go to daycare all day!! RR
Thanks for the tears this morning.... I so feel the same way about Sophie heading into first grade.
Oh girl, I was there too. It's so hard but it's also sooo fun! I was never a school teacher but as a mommy, I know what you're saying. He will love kindergarten, and so will you. xoxo
Aww..it's tough letting go but it's an exciting time for your little one. I'm sure you'll still share many things together, like reading books. He's going to love school! :)
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