Monday, November 16, 2009
So this weekend the boys were SUPPOSED to head north so that Ed could get ready for hunting and the boys could have some time with Grandma. Charley had a fever thing go on in the evening on Thursday night. I saw my dreams of a weekend of "me time" disappear quickly. On Friday he was fine and I started to get excited but then the fever appeared around 4 pm again! So to make a long story short - We canceled plans and decided - better safe than sorry.
On Saturday morning I woke up realizing that I barely ever leave the house anymore by myself. I am either leaving with the boys attached to my hands (love that they hold my hands by the way!). I am trucking them hear and there. And then when evening comes I just want to be home with my family. Friends who know me well know that I am a homebody - I would rather host than go out or go visit. I like to be home when it is cold and I like my evening routine (our boys go to bed nicely around 7 so it is quiet and calm here). I used to have Bunko with school friends once a month. I used to be on the MOMS club board and we met at least once a month to hash things out. However, realizing that by not leaving the house by myself I am starting to feel a little "not myself." So Ed said, GO! Still go Christmas shopping, get yourself a hot chocolate, go have lunch...whatever, but go! So in tears I left the house - wanting to turn around and insist that we meet for lunch.
I spent most the morning doing a little bit of Christmas shopping and a little bit of "me" shopping. I walked the mall and had lunch by myself and read my book. When I called to check in, Ed and I talked and we decided he would take Charley north with him later that afternoon and Henry would stay with me. I had two of my girlfriends over for some dinner, wine, and chatting. They got me motivated to set some goals and work towards them. We will get together again in a few months to check in. I am totally pumped!
Even though I would have been just fine having family time again this weekend it is so good for my soul to breathe, remember that I don't have anyone attached to me, I am a woman of my own who is also a mother. I think this is an issue that some stay at home mom's can find themselves with. By not leaving the house for a job that we have worked hard to independently achieve, we can at times lose our self and find we are living for your kids, about about kids, and life is the kids. This goes for moms that work outside of the home and dads, too.
My kids are my life...however, before them I was a woman that Ed fell in love with. I was a teacher...with my Masters. I was a girl friend who enjoyed an occasional martini. I was a reader of many books. I was a movie go-er and popcorn eater. And I know that I am still these things and many more because of my role as a mother and wife. And if I don't take time to remember this and nurture it, I won't benefit my children or my husband.
So thank you Ed for encouraging me to GO! And thank you mom for the pep talk! And thank you Molly and Kim for coming and hanging out! It is amazing what support from loved ones, some time with the girls, a little time to myself, and some shopping can do for a person - especially for a mom.