Tuesday, July 16, 2013

....paddling my canoe upstream....

Man alive, I am struggling over here to find the time to motivate myself to sit down and spend time on the blog.  I have pictures from Memorial day that I could share.  Fourth of July pics that overwhelm.  

Each day passes and is full to the brim with kiddos and meeting their needs and when they are finally all busy or sleeping, I sleep.  Yep, actually took a 25 minute snooze yesterday right after I put Syd down for a nap....she didn't nap but when I woke 25 minutes later I was all excited she had...no such luck.... when I looked at the clock it had only been 25 minutes.  

It was all I needed to re-energize so I could trek to the pool for a three hour evening swim with the kiddos - spur of the moment, since Daddy was working late.  
Dinner on the pool deck for the small tribe means the kitchen is almost clean this morning.  
If only we hadn't had to snack and eat breakfast and lunch yesterday.  

I have been lucky enough to score some 'young wanna be babysitters' who are itching to practice on my crew.  They have been popping in four an hour to play.  I find that I do silly things with this time...like instead of putting away the laundry that fills baskets littering my bedroom floor...a task I could complete in an hour...I take EVERY piece of clothing item out of my closet to try on and sort through.  Why I am keeping pants two sizes too big....So there are two HUGE garbage bags to be donated.  But tasks like this have me waving to the teen helper realizing...I am actually worse off with a bedroom that  not only has laundry baskets overflowing...but now clothing covering every space.  

I ponder topics to try and ramble about on here and then read things like this...and realize more and more how right she is....here is a snippet.  GREAT post. 

One of the reasons I don't write about parenting as much as I used to is because after eight years and 3,000+ posts, I kind of feel like I've exhausted every issue. And in exhausting every issue I've come to recognize that none of it really matters. I mean, sure, it matters in the moment. It matters a great deal in the moment but then the moment ends. The questions answer themselves. Our children grow up and out of diapers and tantrums and teething.

And pretty soon we've forgotten we ever worried. Or googled. Or wrote blog posts.

Because there are new things to worry about, right? Parenthood is a revolving door of worries and moments of frustration and I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN WEEKS HELP! Google, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!? HOW DO I SOLVE THIS EPIC PROBLEM!??? And then the day comes when they do sleep and you're so relieved! You're the most relieved person of all time! And then something strange happens and you start to feel... sad?

I did.

I feel relieved and then sad all the time. Because if they're sleeping through the night that means they're no longer babies.

Lately, I am realizing that so much of my time these days is just keeping up with my little tribe.  They are all finding themselves, floundering about with what they are capable of, comfortable with, and keeping three kids at different ages and stages busy, plus a house kept up at a tolerable cleanliness....is exhausting.  So when I get them on a tire swing or sitting next to me on a bench eating strawberries....
I pause and breathe, take in the moment where they might be spinning (but I'm standing in one spot) ...I can stand still and savor the moment....and this is almost more exhausting than running laps around our house because Sydney can't decide if she wants to play in the front or back.

My joy this summer is filling their buckets so that they are happy kiddos more often than not.  Trying to find the balance of how full to fill their days so that we aren't left with crazy irrational tired kids for the last hour and a half...yesterday I overfilled Charley's bucket...all day invention camp with a three hour pool finale was too much.  

And once again, I struggle to find time for me to sit and ramble here...a place that gives me happiness.  
By the end of this post, Miss Syd has crawled on my lap and continues to push buttons as I type.  
Time to go play her version of the Kid's Sequence game...which is picking cards and putting tokens on the matching animal space, make breakfast, get myself presentable, find clean shorts for Charley, and make sure everyone is staying in their own personal space.  

Happy Wednesday...I mean Tuesday.  
Anyone still out there?  

1 comment:

Crystal said...

I'm still here - usually reading on my phone, so haven't commented much. I've kind of taken a break from blogging - trying to figure it all out I guess. I can relate to what you say about wondering what to write about and feeling like you have covered it all. All I usually have is the day to day and I think who really cares about that other than me? We have been so busy this summer and I have been trying to make a conscious effort to just try to *be there* and not to be taking a million pictures or trying to make it perfect. And then in the evenings when I might have a chance to blog, I just end up reading or falling asleep. It's actually been kind of great in a lot of ways - but doesn't help with the blogging much.

Anyway - just wanted to say I'm still here. And I am so jealous that you have the wanna be babysitters!


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