Pictures have nothing to do with post...although, it is an outing where our whole family ventured to HomeDepot.
I have done it in the past.
Packed my tribe up and forged through the six hours of driving to get to my mom and dad's house.
I love going there.
Making their quaint town feel like mine, just a wee little bit. (Since they have moved away from my childhood home).
And the opportunity is here.
I can pack up my tribe of 3 and adventure there.
Ed has work, big projects to get done and travel.
So me staying home doesn't sound very thrilling.
However, we really haven't travelled with Sydney since Christmas...and she was still in her infant seat then.
She has eaten in a restaurant sitting in a high chair only 2 times...I think.
I am realizing, as I mentally try to get in the mind frame for this trip...
that three is different than two.
This stage is different than the last stage, when we travelled.
Carseat carries can be plunked on the floor, even if I cringe when doing it, so that I can assist the boys in bathroom breaks - or take one myself. But now she will be more of a challenge when we stop to run into the disgusting public restrooms.
Three has me avoiding the zoo, children's museum, and even Target on any given day.
I would rather ask a friend to pick up a gallon of milk, if it means I don't have to pack up the three and trudge into the store.
3 variables are just more overwhelming than two.
And I feel like I have been playing it safe. And now I am stuck.
I have lost my courage.
I fiercely want to make the trip.
I so badly want to meet my new nephew.
But, Miss Syd...
She is a variable that I can predict will do just fine...but there is the chance that she will not do well.
And the boys...
They offer up their own set of challenges. It is a lot of work to entertain away from home.
Managing three outside of our home environment...without our books, beds, bikes, friends, routines...well it all can just seem overwhelming.
Ed's mom and dad live four hours away. 4 is different than 6. You can split four with a long lunch around hour two.
Two movies could be shown.
A park stop.
Or one movie and family singing, games, and books for the other two.
After hour 4...you have the horrid last two hours when everyone, including me, can't stand being in the car for much longer.
My adrenaline kicks in on these trips. So today I pack.
I know ...
The drive and packing are always worth it.
The drive there holds this adventure that offers me the chance to prove something, not sure what or to who, but if there are rough patches I get through them.
And adrenaline will get me there...it is the ride back that lacks the adrenaline and depending on how the ride there goes, the ride home can be VERY daunting.
It just seems overwhelming and exhausting.
I don't have too many friends that travel with their children, that far, on their own.
My sister TOTALLY understands and I can tell she is nervous for me to even attempt.
My mom keeps reminding me that I will see them in less than a month.
But, I used to do this. I think I can. I think I can.
But then, there is a voice that does keep telling me that maybe I can't. And that it is okay if I admit defeat. I have cried off and on all morning. I don't know what to do.
Note: Ed has offered to drive us all there many times in the last couple weeks on weekends that we have had free. I just hate thinking of going to my mom and dads for one day. So I have been holding out for Charley's spring break in hopes of extending the trip a few days.
I want to go.
But maybe I can't.